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Standing In Line at Apita
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ジェイソン (Jason)
I was buying a large bag of “Paru” for my two dogs at Apita earlier today when, while standing in line at the check out, a woman behind me asked if I had a dog.
On impulse, I said “No, I’m starting the Paru Diet again although I probably shouldn’t because I ended up in the hospital last time. But that I had lost 20 kilos before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IV’s in both arms.”
I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Paru nuggets, then simply eating one or two every time you feel hungry and that the food is nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again.
I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by now enthralled with my story, particularly a guy who was behind her.
Horrified, she asked if I’d ended up in the hospital in that condition because I had been poisoned. I told her no; it was because I’d been sitting in the street licking my balls and a car hit me.
I thought one guy was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard as he staggered out the door.
Stupid b*tch…why else would I buy dog food??
– Note: Not a true story
Shane, no problem,...
Nick 4:53 pm on July 21, 2008 | #
LOL, very good. That does make me think about responses I’d like to give to statements like…
and
Jason 4:58 pm on July 21, 2008 | #
I once retaliated to someone congratulating me on chopstick usage by clapping really loud and saying (as American as I possibly could) “JOZU! JOZU!” when they were eating their yogurt with a spoon.
I was given a very harsh glare in response, but it made my day
I don’t mind small talk with people. Really, I don’t. What I don’t like, though, is this constant misconception that just because I’m caucasian, I have no manual dexterity or appreciation for Asian cultures and languages.
billywest 7:33 pm on July 21, 2008 | #
I agree that the “You can use chopsticks; sugoi!” thing is a bit annoying.
I know you said it wasn’t a true story, but let’s assume the lady really asked you such a question. It’s perfectly normal to start a conversation that way, with a question that has an obvious answer. It’s just a way to get a conversation started or bring up a topic in everyday conversational Japanese.
If she had said: “Inu o katte iru?”, that would translate as a dumb question (Do you have a dog?). By adding ‘no’ or ‘no desu ka,’ the question has the meaning of something like “Keeping/raising a dog, are you?” (”Inu o katte iru no?”) and even some native English speakers will start conversations this way.
If she spoke English and said, “Do you have a dog?”, she probably meant it in the sense, “Oh, keeping a dog are you?” (”Inu o katte iru no?”) and just didn’t know how to say it that way in English, therefore using the simplistic “Do you have a dog?” question.
I think your story was funny, but there are explanations for why people do or say things here that are strange to us sometimes.
Jason 9:15 pm on July 21, 2008 | #
Ah, I’m not this rude in real life. Aside from the little issue regarding the Japanese person using a spoon, I’ve been on my best behaviour all year. That said, I sometimes get “alternate stories” running through my head after a real event, and this just happened to be one of them
billywest 11:29 pm on July 21, 2008 | #
Well, it was funny. That’s all that matters;)
I Can't Get No Sleep | Jason's Random Thoughts 1:15 am on July 22, 2008 | #
[...] been having lots of “alternate story” moments running through my head lately. Things that I could have said in a given situation had I thought of [...]